I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
