I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Your tits are I can't wait for
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
