we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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