Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
