i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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