why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
