Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
