Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
