I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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