I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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