We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize