his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
