I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize