I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
