At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
