I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
