My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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