And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
