I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
