mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
