I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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