Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
