The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
