I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
