i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
