Whod you bang
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
