New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
