I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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