dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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