As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
