Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
