I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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