I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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