i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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