I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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