my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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