I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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