franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
