I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think your dad took our porno
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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