shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
