Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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