this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
