we have officially lost it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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