I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
