I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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