Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
