I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
