A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
