Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
