Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
