I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
