Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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