She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
