gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
