thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
