I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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