so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
