He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
