Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
