yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
