my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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