I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
