How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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