ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
