It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
