Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
