i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize