Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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