tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
