tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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