just tell him i said nine months
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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