im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
