i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
