So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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