living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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