wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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