oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I enjoy the company of your penis
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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