have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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