I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
