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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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