Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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