Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
