We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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