I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
