He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
