You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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