dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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