In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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