wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
