from now on my penis is your penis
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
When are your genitals available?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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