I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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