there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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