I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
