Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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