I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
