What a fucking waste of an outfit
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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