ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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