living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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